Blondie has qualified for resource help for basic reading fluency. We knew this was coming, but here is what I've learned about myself. I CAN'T accept that my daughter has a learning disability. Intellectually I can analyze it, and I can remediate it, and I can understand the numbers behind it, but I cannot emotionally accept it. I'm keeping it real.
In the meeting today everyone was very nice and supportive, but as a teacher, I was questioning everything, and I'm sure it wasn't just "as a teacher." I'm pretty sure "panicked mom" made an appearance too. Not sure what kind of impression I left, but my reflecting led to this idea that after 5.5 years I cannot accept that she isn't like the general child. You'd think I know that right? The resource teacher is lovely, and I think she is right on track with Blondie, but I found myself asking things like, "Why did you choose such a low list of words to start with?" and "That goal isn't hard enough how did you come up with that benchmark?" KNOWING that if a child meets a benchmark the bar is just raised. Maybe its that I don't want her to have any possibility in her future limited, except that it already sort of is - she can't join the military, she can't be a neurosurgeon (doesn't have two hands with fingers that work). Really this train of thought is seriously flawed because not all of us can do those jobs either because of interest, or whatever. I think a big part is when a child who is really awesome in so many areas is reduced to numbers on a sheet its soooooo...... cold..... or something. It is an in-your-face analysis of deficits when I try to work in the positives when it comes to her.
Here's what I found myself thinking: HOW is she going to get to the "normal" (I'm shooting for 50th percentile minimum across the board, and then I'll raise that bar too) if we are teaching her on a 2nd grade level when she is a 3rd grader. Now if I were facing me across the table from the classroom teacher side I might be concerned that the parent didn't understand that a learning disability isn't something that can be fixed in a few sessions. As a teacher I try to teach strategies to kids to help them learn what they need differently. I know that is what is going to happen, but I couldn't keep the concern from coming in. I was trying to figure out how to make things harder for her. For instance, instead of allowing every math/science/social studies test to be read orally (which is no problem if I'm asked to do it as a teacher), I was actually asking for her to do it herself first and then see if she needed to have it read to her. Will this work, I don't know.
I DID FIND OUT about the previous post's assignment. Blondie's teacher had noticed that paper, and questioned Blondie about it differently than I did. She explained the directions to her again, and asked what she did. Blondie explained that she thought she had to alphabetize each letter in each word - just what Roxanne's husband thought (WOOHOO Craig, you're awesome). So, teacher wasn't too worried, it was just how Blondie processed directions, but I still wish I had known that as I could have cut down a lot of research on dyslexic type issues.
So we're jumping into the resource pool, and even though intellectually I know its best, emotionally I'm sad. It's almost like I gave in.... but then I rationalize that its like OT and PT and just another way to exercise her brain. Thankfully her teacher had no problem in sending home every single assignment that was missed in class - so I can at least feel better that she is keeping up and not missing anything important. Give me a few more days/weeks/months and I'll probably be fine. Knowing me I'll compartmentalize it into a box, and apply it only to reading. I'm still going to work on gathering strategies/kinesthetic activities/independent work that do work for her and start really trying to get that information out. I'm really thinking that just an alternative type of teaching will help, maybe I just don't like canned resource curriculum or something.... I"m going to have to reflect some more.
Sorry for the rambling post, very stream of conscious, but its my way of processing. Check out the family blog to see how Blondie scoops ice cream with one hand. She was one problem-solving genius on that task! http://www.dawsondiaries.blogspot.com/
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My heart goes out to you. I have one similar as far the age vs level thing. I'm a medical person, worked in the OR for ever, and understand that five of our little ones have medical differences that can result in learning differences. But, I am a "pusher" by nature and won't settle on present level. We "babies" were chosen to be the special ones they are. They are going to teach us so much about real life. Hugs...
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